he puts the penis in happiness.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
