Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
