He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
