why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
