I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
