lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
