I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
NoShamevember. You game?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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