winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
