He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
