dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
