He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
