Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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