he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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