i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just pee around me
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
