When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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