Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
