Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
