Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
