this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
