I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
