im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
