I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
