Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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