Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I know her cup size but not her name....
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
