How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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