Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
