You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
