MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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