The maid of honor just puked.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
