I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
