Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
