You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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