I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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