8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
