I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
