I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
