Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
