i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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