I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
