The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
