my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
