Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
