Is it normal to miss your booty call?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
