So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
false alarm, still single
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