I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
