Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
