If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
