maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Operation Purity has been aborted
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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