I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
