my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
