its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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