omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i out mim tonsoeep
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
