Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
