Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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