It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
